(After a few choice expletives aimed at that "something" that keeps pulling me into a hole.)
I want to go to the root of my happiness & hang on to it -
Really I won't need to cling to it, will I?
Non attatchment - non judgement -
What is the root of my happiness?
Joy
The Joy of being on this beautiful planet & being human.
being alive in this miraculous body.
Being human. Not perfect or a god. but human.
No longer at war with myself or my humanness. accepting, tolerant celebrating.
I came here to make friends
with myself
and we're having a fight.
Not speaking really.
one of us wants to be happy
the other melancholy.
So I am beside myself.
...
I am trying to make light of it.
Go out & have a fist fight with the air...
growl and scowl but let it pass.
Something in the stars - the waning moon - the front coming through-
What?
(Later after a walk...)
I left here hungry
without breakfast or love
I walked by the water
on a blue sky day
and came home full of love
still no breakfast
no bath
no chores done
but myself has come home
again for - we don't know how long
& welcome back you lovely
beautiful soul
welcome back.
C-Scape dune shack and Pilgrim Monument in the distance. Provincetown, Massachesetts.